I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
