a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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