Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
