I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
