I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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