he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
