if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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