I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
