I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
