Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
