I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
