i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
