She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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