Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
