Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
