The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
