get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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