Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
