____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we made out on top of his cat.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
