Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
