i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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