i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
