a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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