fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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