Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
