The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
