No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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