It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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