we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
