My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
