Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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