why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
