stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
