thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so that wasnt chicken after all
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
