yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
