Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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