i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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