She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
