remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
