Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
