So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sorry about my life...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
