So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
