Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
