it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
