dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
