Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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