when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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