i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
