Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
