I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
