I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
