he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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