I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
