Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
