I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
